The Discomfort of Stillness
The struggle to just "be"
“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Blaise Pascal wrote that quote back in the 1600’s, which is fascinating to think about. Even back then, they struggled to be undistracted and sit with their thoughts.
And Seneca, over 1500 years before Pascal, wrote about the same struggle in his book On The Shortness of Life.
Nowadays almost everyone you see struggles with busyness, distraction, and an overall frantic existence.
So while it seems the human tendency toward distraction is nothing new for us, I think it’s fair to say that the ability to distract ourselves has never been worse.
Going to the bathroom? Gotta take your phone.
In line at the grocery store? Let’s scroll a little.
Watching a movie? Let’s check the phone.
It’s insane to think how much time this little piece of glowing glass takes up.
And isn’t it strange that silence is often so loud that it feels overwhelming?
“If you want a litmus test for how distracted your mind is, just try to sit for sixty seconds and not think. Most people can’t go more than a few seconds without getting lost in thought.”
-Sam Harris
I mean try, right now, to look away from whatever you’re reading this on, and sit still for 60 seconds, doing nothing. One single minute.
…
What happens? Likely you won’t do it. But if you do, if you fight the impulse to look at your screen, or fidget, or do anything at all, you’ll find relaxation, right?
Wrong. If you’re like most people, your mind will attack you with thoughts over and over and leave you no sense of peace for any span of time.
I stopped and tried it while writing this. I set a timer for 60 seconds on my phone, and just looked at the wall… Do you know what it felt like?
Deeply uncomfortable… Almost anxiety-provoking. Multiple times during a simple 60 second timer, I felt pulled to do something. To pick up my phone. Or just the thought of “When is this timer gonna go off?”.
To be fair I think I struggle with distraction more than most, a consequence of constantly using technology for my job, side projects, and other interests, mixed with ADHD (*diagnosed by a professional, not self-diagnosed).
But it’s scary to think a mere 60 seconds without distraction can trigger feelings of anxiety and restlessness.
Which is why I’m writing this in the first place, as a reminder to myself, and a warning to you, not to fall into the trap.
I used to be very into mindfulness. I meditated often, didn’t use my phone much, and spent a lot of time just reading and taking walks. But in recent years I’ve gotten away from that.
But the other day I watched this video from Sam Harris:
And it reminded me how bad this restlessness of mine has become.
How I don’t want to live my life as a slave to distraction. And not just external distraction, but the constant, uncomfortable, inner chatter that plagues us all.
He says something in this video like “If every thought that we had was externalized on a loudspeaker, every normal person would sound insane.”
I thought about that for a long time. How many thoughts do you have throughout the day, that are completely irrational to even have?
Your stomach growls and you think “I’m hungry, I should go get something to eat”… Who are you saying that to? Why are you saying it? You already know you’re hungry, so the thought was just chatter. Like walking outside in a heat wave, turning to the nearest person, and saying “It’s hot outside”.
Profound, groundbreaking observation.
But we do this to ourselves all day. Criticizing ourselves, having pointless thoughts… filling any gap of silence with noise to prevent us from a single moment of real peace.
So for me, this has been a wake up call to get back to my practices of meditation, and mindfulness.
To leave my phone in another room much more often.
To sit with the people I love and avoid the distracted tendency to feel like that’s not enough.
To lower my stimulation level so I can enjoy simple activities like reading, (something I used to love), without feeling like I have to get through the pages so I can get back to other things.
I won’t be perfect. I’ll fail many times. But if I can reclaim even a little of my peace a day. And be just a little more present in my life and relationships.
That’s a start.